According to National Public Radio, three people in America once spilled gasoline from a long-spout gas can, resulting in three fires across the country. The federal government responded by prohibiting long spouts on all new gas cans. Now, I am a reasonable man who respects the democratic process. I am also the man who found a long-spout can, decided to improve it, held it up to his face to understand the engineering, and twisted the end off with a pair of pliers. What followed is a matter of medical record. This is nevertheless a defense of the long spout, and a meditation on the gap between regulations and wisdom.